So how do you buy a house?

Do you buy it because you like it, your spouse likes it, your family likes it. Or do you look at floor plan, resale and location. Maybe a little of everything? What if you love the house but the location stinks? Maybe the other way around. We tend to think a lot about resale based on our past history! But what if we are planning to stay for the long haul this time? Is resale as important? I wish I knew.
We've made offers on two houses. One isn't going to happen which is ok. The other we don't know, the realtor won't return our realtor's calls - that's not looking good. So on a whim yesterday we went by one we had briefly looked at before. It is an older house with a lot of charm. I love older houses especially the fact that their floor plans aren't cookie cutter like modern houses. This one has been pretty well updated but does still need all new windows and since it has been empty for a long time it needs a LOT of yard work. It also has 200 feet of creek frontage and almost an acre and a half. Sounds wonderful? It is located on a really busy road. And just over the border for the schools we want. Ok, schools could probably be worked out, maybe even busing. But the busy road? If it were even a mile further down the road I probably wouldn't be concerned.
so how important is location if you like the house and don't plan to move for many years? It isn't like we're talking freeway busy or even city street. But a pretty busy country road that leads to the entrance of the local four year university almost across the street. Opinions? I'm interested in them.

Growing old gracefully?

Well, I'm getting older. I'm not sure when that reality hit the hardest - when my firstborn had his tenth birthday, the second time I bought alcohol and didn't get carded (even though I had it in my hand and ready!), or when that darned scale refused to go down anymore! It seems like lately though the signs are appearing more and more often. My heart literally sunk a bit when the clerk handed me my receipt without asking for my id. I discretely tucked it back in my wallet hoping that no one had seen! Such a strange feeling. I clearly remember being told that someday I'd appreciate being told how young or cute I was. I think the sun is beginning to rise on that day. No one will ever mistake me for an eighteen year old again! Not too long ago I saw a picture of myself and a more recent one confirmed what I'd hoped had just been my imagination - I've got wrinkles! Not major ones, but I am starting to look well, old. I'd smugly noticed it in a picture of a friend not too long ago (who shall remain nameless!) and now there it was staring back at me!

This morning I lay in the doctor's office waiting for that oh-so-exciting annual appointment all women must endure. I was acutely aware of my feelings at the moment and thinking about the many times I'd been on those tables waiting to hear my baby's heartbeat, or have my growing belly measured (I'm certainly grateful they aren't measuring that belly anymore!). The happiness of those days seems so long past sometimes. Yet, I also realized that I don't feel any different than I did then. I don't feel ten years older. I dawned on me that if I were to be having a baby now I would be considered high risk due to my age and the baby would have the increased odds of various birth defects. But I don't feel ten years older!

Life is changing. The gray hair is growing faster than the colored and Sally Beauty Supply is becoming a regular stop on my shopping rounds. The scale will never again allow me to wear a size 6 (ok probably not even an 8 and I'm afraid 10 could be not too far off!). The medications in the cupboard are beginning to stack up. It's strange. I don't feel old. I'm really not old. But I have realized that teenagers no longer look at me as someone they can relate to - to them, I'm old.

So, when I asked the doctor about my recent weight gain I'm not sure what exactly I was feeling as she circled my age and told me that that was the reason. Was she giving me permission to gain weight? Was she saying kiss that old body goodbye? I think I heard something more like, "It's ok. Quit stressing about it." Sounds so simple. But how do I let it go and accept that without also accepting what it means? I'm getting older. Things change. No wonder they call it mid life, you're neither young or old! There are a lot of thoughts going through my mind and none of them are easy to get down. It is just strange. Not sad, not scary, just strange. I'm waiting for these feelings to fade and for this to become the new normal. I am afraid that may never happen though. I'm not sure we ever feel as old as we are! Life is changing isn't it.

X marks the spot

What is it about house hunting? I know exactly what I want but it doesn't exist! That happens to me at the fabric store a lot too but that's another post! Anyway, we have spent the last two weeks looking at or planning to look at houses in our area. My first and biggest concern was to keep Trace at his current school. He has already moved schools 4 times and he is just going into 5th grade. I want him to have some lasting friends and to fit in and I worry that constantly moving him will destroy his chances at that. So we have limited our search to only our school boundaries. We have good taste apparently. This seems to be one of the most expensive and stable areas around which means there is nothing we can afford. So this week we expanded our search to within 5 miles of our school and figured we could try for a boundary exception and I'd just take the boys to school. I did it for three years when Trace was in private school so I can do it again. Unfortunately that was causing me some serious stress and upset stomachs. I didn't want to tell Rick because then he'd get upset at me for worrying about schools again. But seriously, next year Trace will start school at something like 7:30, Paige starts at 8:15, and Caden starts at 8:30! So do I take all of them when I leave with Trace at 7am or leave the youngest two at home and just take him then come back and take them (ok, that's not really an option). So maybe you can see why that was a little stressful for me. THEN...
I was in the pool with the boys yesterday and telling them about a couple of the houses we had looked at. I told Trace that he wouldn't be able to ride the bus but that I'd make sure he still got to his school (not having a clue how). That's when he says, "I'll go to a different school Mom, it's not like I haven't done it before and I'm moving to middle school anyway so what's the difference." Had my child sized floaty been sunk just a bit more in the water I probably would have choked when my jaw dropped! (As it is both boys shrieked in amazement when I got off of it and it had formed an indent where my lovely body had been - nice). So back to the school issue... I drilled him on his motivations and asked him what about friends etcetera. One big issue though is that he doesn't really have any close friends. There just hasn't been anyone that he really bonded with. He always has before so is it one too many school moves or just no one there like him? A new school might give him the opportunity to find that best buddy that every kid needs. However, moving schools is not such a simple issue as walking in and registering. Trace is allergic to peanuts remember? So it will involve transferring his 504 plan to a new school and possibly a new district, educating the staff and getting to know the staff well enough to trust them. Not to mention I've gotten quite comfortable there and feel like I know a lot of people. I'm sick of starting over. I'm sick of educating the world about peanut allergies. But I do want my own home. So that brings us back full circle to the horrible house issue. What we can afford and what we like are two completely different things. Because we lost our shorts on the house in Chicago we have no down payment and because of this stinking economy Rick hasn't moved up the pay scale as planned, we are in a rotten spot. If we settle on something older there could be more maintenance issues. If it needs updating where is that money going to come from and just when does Rick seriously think he'll find the time to do it? If we look in the higher brackets we have to get help and it is no longer "our" house. We feel indebted and tied to the apron strings. So which is it? Of course now that Trace has allowed us to broaden our search we still have to narrow in on only the "good" schools and districts. Does this sound like fun? My stomach is starting to churn again. Oh and lets not forget the debate between a neighborhood and property which is a huge issue. My house is falling apart around me and I took a nap this morning. I know the nap was my way of escaping - maybe I'll go take another. If I sleep long enough will this nightmare be over? I am praying hard for God's guidance but He isn't exactly putting a huge red x on the house He wants for us. I know we are going to have to take a few steps and see if He paves the way or the bottom falls out in order to know some answers. But dang I wish there was a red x somewhere!

Self Confidence...

I am ready to go back to work. I think. At least I'm ready to contribute to our financial situation, get away from the house occasionally and talk with other adults about more engrossing topics than pre-school. Most honestly though, I am ready for the ego boost that comes from doing something well and having others appreciate you. Let's face it, motherhood is a thankless job and we don't get to find out if we were good at it for at least 25-30 years! I'm really ready for a little more immediate gratification.

Unfortunately there are a few problems with my idea. The number one issue is that there aren't a lot of jobs out there right now and everyone wants the few that are. When you've been out of work for almost 11 years it is really hard to be much competition. The other issue I have is training and skills. I started working in a daycare when I was still in high school and moved to two different centers before "retiring" to have Trace 10 years later. I loved what I did, I was good at it and I worked my way up to a 'teacher'. It has been a long time though and I really don't want to go back to working with pre-schoolers again. As I've grown with my kids and realized that bigger kids aren't so scarry I find I have no desire to be back wiping noses (and backsides). Been there. Done that.

So, I have a two year general degree. Which means I am poised to jump into whatever it is I want to do. I could finish a four year degree in as little as two years. The whole world is out there waiting for me and I still am no closer to knowing what I want to be "when I grow up" than I was 15 years ago! Well, I take that back. Fifteen years ago I wanted to be a mom and wife. That was it. All I could think about was driving around with a baby in the back and being so happy. Ok, that's over so what's next? I guess I never thought that far. I never looked beyond what would happen once those babies were grown! Lesson learned - a little late.

If I could do anything right now I would love to be an everything person in the school. I like feeling needed and like knowing the kids and families. Helping with office work, assisting teachers, whatever. I know I would love that. Unfortunately I don't think that position exists. The schools don't have enough money to hire someone like that and if they did they certainly wouldn't pay much. My other choice would be to work with an adoption agency. Again, to be the everything person. Someone to run errands, go through paperwork, talk with prospective parents about adoption, whatever. There aren't many adoption agencies in our area though and I'm pretty sure the ones that do exist prefer people who have a college degree. What to do, what to do?

Cleaning kids rooms

So, do you clean your kids rooms? I do. Yeah, I know they are supposed to learn responsibility and a whole bunch of other things but come on, eventually I can't stand it! I really feel the carpet needs to breath occasionally which it can't do suffocated with toys and dirty clothes. So when it reaches "that point" I just take care of it. There are benefits to cleaning your kids room though. They rarely notice when something dissapears like all the candy wrappers from their Valentines at school or the happy meal toy they haven't touched since getting out of the car. I usually end up with at least one bag of garbage! As they get older I figure it will give me opportunity to do a little snooping too. Yes, I'm also that kind of parent. Snooping is, in my opinion, a parent's responsibility and right. I own the house so I have access to all of it and the right to know exactly what's in it. Even the best of kids make really dumb choices and if I can be there to intervene and prevent jail time then I plan to do so. I guess that's what they call co-dependent - and what mother isn't? Something as simple as cleaning a room can also teach you things about your kid you didn't know. Like, which toy they said they liked at Christmas but clearly didn't because it is now shoved in the back of their closet unopened. Or why it is that they never seem to have clean underware when you look under the bed. Most importantly I've learned that it gets a little better with time (although I've yet to experience the teenage years). I can do my 10 year old's room in half the time it takes to clean my 7 year olds. It wasn't all that long ago that the 10 year old's room was just as bad. So there is hope. They won't save the Halloween eraser shaped, like a pumpkin and too small to even hold let alone erase something with, forever. They probably won't even notice it's gone. If you're lucky.

I'm feeling a little angry...

Somehow, I don't even remember anymore exactly how, I got to following two blogs about two little girls with cancer. Both were diagnosed last summer and both are really having a fight. I guess somehow in my protected little world I had come to believe that kids with cancer typically survived these days. At least the majority of them. Just before Christmas both families got the news that their girl's odds were dramatically decreased for different reasons. I was honestly shocked and saddened by the news. A few weeks ago Lydia's family had to make the decision to stop treatment, it just wasn't working. They packed everyone up and headed to Florida to watch her enjoy her last days. Enjoy them she has, Disneyworld where she rode Dumbo with her mom for the last time, Toys R Us where she got just about any toy she wanted, a pedicure where the technician cried once hearing her story. Then there's me. Angry for her. Angry that a little five year old girl is living her last days. This little girl who survived in a Chinese orphanage long enough to find a family will not get the chance to grow up in that family. Why? Why does she have to have had a life with so much suffering? Why couldn't her little body fight off this nasty cancer? Why? Why? Why? I'm not angry with God like many would be and I know her family isn't either. God doesn't want to see any of us suffer and he didn't create cancer or give it to anyone. It is part of all the sin in the world and free choice and a lot that I don't understand but I know he is weeping with Lydia's family right now. I check her blog several times each day right now waiting to hear if she has finally earned her angel wings. Part of me wants it to be over so that I can go back to my life and not have to be so aware of childhood cancer. The other part is grateful for each day her family has with her. Why do I put myself through this? I'm really not sure. I think some of it is that I am reminded by their stories how fortunate I am to have healthy kids right now. It reminds me to hug them a little tighter. It also reminds me that my little sheltered life isn't all there is. As I go about my daily living there are those who's lives are standing still. Who will never be the same. I think there is some of me that want's to share it with them. To feel their pain on the only level I can. I really am not sure why.

As I read one of the girl's blogs yesterday there was a link to a little boy who's family just got the news that he is not going to survive. They put their lives on hold and left home too. His blog linked to several families who's children lost the fight last fall. Little Abby is still fighting but she is heading into the scariest phase and she nearly lost during the last phase. I will keep following their lives until they reach whatever end is meant for them. I will probably weep and shout for joy with them along the way. But I will be forever changed to know that somewhere everyday a child is fighting cancer and many of them will not survive it. That makes me angry. Just angry and a little sick in my stomach. Maybe the anger is hurt, but right now I just recognise it as anger that I'm listening to my kids fight and play while they are watching their's suffer and die.

Happy Valentines Day (that's what I'm supposed to say)

Well, here it is again, Valentines Day. Now, I'm not a BaHumbug about this day, but I do think entirely too much is put into it. Maybe it's because I'm not an ooey-gooey, touchy-feely, mushy kinda person. I have a hard time with lots of public physical affection between adults. I have NO problem what-so-ever showering my kids with physical affection in public or private though. But for some reason the whole idea of getting things from "you lover" really turns me off. It actually makes me cringe a bit. In my mind a "lover" is what they have on soap operas and usually involves infidelity. It isn't exactly a good thing - at all.

So, what do I want from this day? I want to see the smiles on my kid's faces over the one simple little gift we got for them - a candy heart full of Skittles and a small book. They can be so excited over such small things sometimes and it's nice to see. I would like the assurance that my husband still loves me despite the weight I've gained and day to day crabbiness. Some pretty flowers that will last a week or so might be nice. Maybe dinner out so I don't have to cook. But probably more than anything I'd love to hear that I do so much that he just doesn't know how he'd survive without me. Do I honestly expect to hear that? Nope. That's ok, I know it's true even if he doesn't!

Some years, if I'm in the mood, I'll put more effort into decorating a little, fixing heart-shaped pancakes or sandwiches and possibly even making a cake. That isn't happening this year. Last week was a bear and the house got behind. Now I get to spend today doing laundry, picking up, cleaning bathrooms and the litter box and vacuuming. Doesn't that sound romantic? My "lover" will be home tonight and if it isn't done, he'll notice. If it is done he probably won't notice or even say anything as he drops his suitcase and clothes to be washed in the entryway. But that's ok because after almost 14 years of marriage I know he appreciates it. I guess that is more what Valentines Day is about to me. Making the people I care most about a little happier. Seeing a smile on their faces. In return, I'm a little happier too - bonus.

Are you poor?

Well we are. And so is just about everyone I know. Now just how poor we are depends greatly on your view of things. See, we made about 22K last year. That's for a family of five too. Yet, we live in a newer (rented) 2000 sq.ft. home, drive a 2002 Suburban, own a 31 ft. new travel trailer and have all of our bills paid monthly. Now, to be fair our rent is covered by a family member for the time being. (DH started a new job last year and the income is expected to grow exponentially each year until we can make it entirely on our own.) However, that still doesn't leave much to live on. We have found ways to cut expenses as much as possible; cell, t.v., Internet, phone are all on the cheapest package available, no newspaper, no eating out, no unnecessary groceries, I make our pizza and the kids qualify for free lunch at school (I don't feel guilty about that either since it is temporary and we have paid our taxes for many years!) So, now that I've bragged about how wonderfully we manage our finances...
What's my point?
Well, what is up with people who complain about having no money yet are constantly justifying spending? People about to loose their homes or cars yet each weekend eat out at least once. No wonder people get upset with those on welfare! Maybe they should be required to allow someone else to manage their money if they've been on welfare more than a year and still haven't made any improvements! Then you look at our family and we can't even qualify for food stamps. I manage to keep our grocery bill right about or just under $300 a month. We've paid into the system and for the year or two in our life when we need the help it isn't available. Maybe that's because you don't have to have ever worked to benefit. Heck you don't even have to be a citizen!!! Yeah it makes me mad and more than a little frustrated. I try not to stew about it and cause more stress that I don't need but every so often it bubbles to the surface. Like yesterday after a friend told me how much in food stamps she'll be getting for just her and her three kids. Don't get me wrong she is definitely one who is deserving and in need and probably won't use it for very long, but it did get me thinking about it again. Why is it that when you screw your life up there are all kinds of programs to "reward" you? But when you work your butt off, make sacrafices and wait to have kids you're on your own! Our society is just so screwed up!

Safety Parenting

So where is the happy medium? Safety is obviously a concern for everyone but have you ever noticed how one person's concern is not another's? Of course you have. We all have our reasons for finding one thing more worrisome than another. Past experiences and current situations both effect how we perceive safety. Then we have our own ever changing emotions. What may strike fear in your heart one day may not phase you much a few short months later.

I figure you can go with the better safe than sorry view on just about everything or take a more wait and see approach. The better safe view is an awful lot of work though. It means walking your kids to and from the bus stop every day, never allowing your children out of sight in a store, attending every field trip, making sure no house they are ever in has any weapons, and for that matter that they never learn to play with weapon either! You would also want to be sure that they only ate free range, organically grown and probably vegan foods - those pop tarts are nothing but poison you know. Doesn't diet pop have chemical 'sugar' in it, but then the regular has far too much 'real' sugar. Any type of screen will completely destroy their minds and they should only be allowed to read non-fiction, we can't be filling their heads with nonsense fantasy!

Then you have the wait and see view. That is when you, well, just wait and see. Of course if it goes wrong then there may not be much left to do about it and that could be tragic. Wait and see people probably let their kids ride their bikes miles away and not check in for hours. I imagine they take them to the shooting range on Saturday and feed them a steady diet of pop tarts, hot dogs and soda pop. Naturally they'd be fine with playing video games for hours on end and would likely join in too.

So where do I fit? I guess I'm hoping to find that imaginary "happy medium" that most of us hope to find. I walk my kids to and from the bus stop just about every day, let them eat pop tarts at Nana's house and drink pop about once a week. On those frequent long rainy weekends I've been known to ignore the clock while they spend hours mindlessly in front of one screen or another - often with Dad by their side.

Of course while they are playing video games and eating a yogurt snack I can probably be found hiding out, shoveling in the leftover holiday candy that they have forgotten about and whiling hours away on the Internet under the guise of 'work'. Maybe some of us just don't quite get it. Or maybe we're hopelessly stuck in the 80's where the only thing our parents really worried about was kidnapping and that only happened in big cities anyway. Then again rationalization works too. Those video games do teach hand-eye coordination and some even have a lot of planning and thinking skills involved. Didn't we grow up on hot dogs and Jello with red dye? Look how we turned out!

I think the bottom line is that no one has the right answer, though a lot think they do! Those who think they do have all the answers are usually the better safe than sorry types who have no problem looking down their nose at your child with his Lunchable. (Hey they have NO idea what kind of morning you had!) The rest of us seem to realize that we are all in this together. We are all doing our best and we reserve the right to change our mind (frequently) because we admit we don't really know what we are doing. So while I may send my seven year old off to get pop tarts organic bananas, one day I may not let him out of sight the next day. Let's just hope the evil people are all home on my 'off' days. Does that make me a wait-and-see parent? Great now I have to rein them all in again and make sure they're safe! At least until they are driving me crazy on a rainy weekend and it becomes necessary to remove the batteries from all clocks and pretend not to notice they have been staring at a screen for over eight hours straight.

Randomness

That's what I wanted to call this blog, but apparently a lot of people have a lot of randomnesss to talk about so it wasn't an available option. Oh-well. I thought "My Secret Identity" was good too. I can write what I want and no one will have to know it's me! I plan to use this site to get my thoughts into writing. Some good, some not so good. Some strange and some hopefully you'll be able to relate to, or at least laugh at! I reserve the right to contradict myself as my opinions can change with more thought. I apologize if I offend anyone - just don't read if I'm offensive (like that will happen). Who knows how long this will last or what it will become, time will tell...