Cleaning kids rooms

So, do you clean your kids rooms? I do. Yeah, I know they are supposed to learn responsibility and a whole bunch of other things but come on, eventually I can't stand it! I really feel the carpet needs to breath occasionally which it can't do suffocated with toys and dirty clothes. So when it reaches "that point" I just take care of it. There are benefits to cleaning your kids room though. They rarely notice when something dissapears like all the candy wrappers from their Valentines at school or the happy meal toy they haven't touched since getting out of the car. I usually end up with at least one bag of garbage! As they get older I figure it will give me opportunity to do a little snooping too. Yes, I'm also that kind of parent. Snooping is, in my opinion, a parent's responsibility and right. I own the house so I have access to all of it and the right to know exactly what's in it. Even the best of kids make really dumb choices and if I can be there to intervene and prevent jail time then I plan to do so. I guess that's what they call co-dependent - and what mother isn't? Something as simple as cleaning a room can also teach you things about your kid you didn't know. Like, which toy they said they liked at Christmas but clearly didn't because it is now shoved in the back of their closet unopened. Or why it is that they never seem to have clean underware when you look under the bed. Most importantly I've learned that it gets a little better with time (although I've yet to experience the teenage years). I can do my 10 year old's room in half the time it takes to clean my 7 year olds. It wasn't all that long ago that the 10 year old's room was just as bad. So there is hope. They won't save the Halloween eraser shaped, like a pumpkin and too small to even hold let alone erase something with, forever. They probably won't even notice it's gone. If you're lucky.

I'm feeling a little angry...

Somehow, I don't even remember anymore exactly how, I got to following two blogs about two little girls with cancer. Both were diagnosed last summer and both are really having a fight. I guess somehow in my protected little world I had come to believe that kids with cancer typically survived these days. At least the majority of them. Just before Christmas both families got the news that their girl's odds were dramatically decreased for different reasons. I was honestly shocked and saddened by the news. A few weeks ago Lydia's family had to make the decision to stop treatment, it just wasn't working. They packed everyone up and headed to Florida to watch her enjoy her last days. Enjoy them she has, Disneyworld where she rode Dumbo with her mom for the last time, Toys R Us where she got just about any toy she wanted, a pedicure where the technician cried once hearing her story. Then there's me. Angry for her. Angry that a little five year old girl is living her last days. This little girl who survived in a Chinese orphanage long enough to find a family will not get the chance to grow up in that family. Why? Why does she have to have had a life with so much suffering? Why couldn't her little body fight off this nasty cancer? Why? Why? Why? I'm not angry with God like many would be and I know her family isn't either. God doesn't want to see any of us suffer and he didn't create cancer or give it to anyone. It is part of all the sin in the world and free choice and a lot that I don't understand but I know he is weeping with Lydia's family right now. I check her blog several times each day right now waiting to hear if she has finally earned her angel wings. Part of me wants it to be over so that I can go back to my life and not have to be so aware of childhood cancer. The other part is grateful for each day her family has with her. Why do I put myself through this? I'm really not sure. I think some of it is that I am reminded by their stories how fortunate I am to have healthy kids right now. It reminds me to hug them a little tighter. It also reminds me that my little sheltered life isn't all there is. As I go about my daily living there are those who's lives are standing still. Who will never be the same. I think there is some of me that want's to share it with them. To feel their pain on the only level I can. I really am not sure why.

As I read one of the girl's blogs yesterday there was a link to a little boy who's family just got the news that he is not going to survive. They put their lives on hold and left home too. His blog linked to several families who's children lost the fight last fall. Little Abby is still fighting but she is heading into the scariest phase and she nearly lost during the last phase. I will keep following their lives until they reach whatever end is meant for them. I will probably weep and shout for joy with them along the way. But I will be forever changed to know that somewhere everyday a child is fighting cancer and many of them will not survive it. That makes me angry. Just angry and a little sick in my stomach. Maybe the anger is hurt, but right now I just recognise it as anger that I'm listening to my kids fight and play while they are watching their's suffer and die.

Happy Valentines Day (that's what I'm supposed to say)

Well, here it is again, Valentines Day. Now, I'm not a BaHumbug about this day, but I do think entirely too much is put into it. Maybe it's because I'm not an ooey-gooey, touchy-feely, mushy kinda person. I have a hard time with lots of public physical affection between adults. I have NO problem what-so-ever showering my kids with physical affection in public or private though. But for some reason the whole idea of getting things from "you lover" really turns me off. It actually makes me cringe a bit. In my mind a "lover" is what they have on soap operas and usually involves infidelity. It isn't exactly a good thing - at all.

So, what do I want from this day? I want to see the smiles on my kid's faces over the one simple little gift we got for them - a candy heart full of Skittles and a small book. They can be so excited over such small things sometimes and it's nice to see. I would like the assurance that my husband still loves me despite the weight I've gained and day to day crabbiness. Some pretty flowers that will last a week or so might be nice. Maybe dinner out so I don't have to cook. But probably more than anything I'd love to hear that I do so much that he just doesn't know how he'd survive without me. Do I honestly expect to hear that? Nope. That's ok, I know it's true even if he doesn't!

Some years, if I'm in the mood, I'll put more effort into decorating a little, fixing heart-shaped pancakes or sandwiches and possibly even making a cake. That isn't happening this year. Last week was a bear and the house got behind. Now I get to spend today doing laundry, picking up, cleaning bathrooms and the litter box and vacuuming. Doesn't that sound romantic? My "lover" will be home tonight and if it isn't done, he'll notice. If it is done he probably won't notice or even say anything as he drops his suitcase and clothes to be washed in the entryway. But that's ok because after almost 14 years of marriage I know he appreciates it. I guess that is more what Valentines Day is about to me. Making the people I care most about a little happier. Seeing a smile on their faces. In return, I'm a little happier too - bonus.

Are you poor?

Well we are. And so is just about everyone I know. Now just how poor we are depends greatly on your view of things. See, we made about 22K last year. That's for a family of five too. Yet, we live in a newer (rented) 2000 sq.ft. home, drive a 2002 Suburban, own a 31 ft. new travel trailer and have all of our bills paid monthly. Now, to be fair our rent is covered by a family member for the time being. (DH started a new job last year and the income is expected to grow exponentially each year until we can make it entirely on our own.) However, that still doesn't leave much to live on. We have found ways to cut expenses as much as possible; cell, t.v., Internet, phone are all on the cheapest package available, no newspaper, no eating out, no unnecessary groceries, I make our pizza and the kids qualify for free lunch at school (I don't feel guilty about that either since it is temporary and we have paid our taxes for many years!) So, now that I've bragged about how wonderfully we manage our finances...
What's my point?
Well, what is up with people who complain about having no money yet are constantly justifying spending? People about to loose their homes or cars yet each weekend eat out at least once. No wonder people get upset with those on welfare! Maybe they should be required to allow someone else to manage their money if they've been on welfare more than a year and still haven't made any improvements! Then you look at our family and we can't even qualify for food stamps. I manage to keep our grocery bill right about or just under $300 a month. We've paid into the system and for the year or two in our life when we need the help it isn't available. Maybe that's because you don't have to have ever worked to benefit. Heck you don't even have to be a citizen!!! Yeah it makes me mad and more than a little frustrated. I try not to stew about it and cause more stress that I don't need but every so often it bubbles to the surface. Like yesterday after a friend told me how much in food stamps she'll be getting for just her and her three kids. Don't get me wrong she is definitely one who is deserving and in need and probably won't use it for very long, but it did get me thinking about it again. Why is it that when you screw your life up there are all kinds of programs to "reward" you? But when you work your butt off, make sacrafices and wait to have kids you're on your own! Our society is just so screwed up!

Safety Parenting

So where is the happy medium? Safety is obviously a concern for everyone but have you ever noticed how one person's concern is not another's? Of course you have. We all have our reasons for finding one thing more worrisome than another. Past experiences and current situations both effect how we perceive safety. Then we have our own ever changing emotions. What may strike fear in your heart one day may not phase you much a few short months later.

I figure you can go with the better safe than sorry view on just about everything or take a more wait and see approach. The better safe view is an awful lot of work though. It means walking your kids to and from the bus stop every day, never allowing your children out of sight in a store, attending every field trip, making sure no house they are ever in has any weapons, and for that matter that they never learn to play with weapon either! You would also want to be sure that they only ate free range, organically grown and probably vegan foods - those pop tarts are nothing but poison you know. Doesn't diet pop have chemical 'sugar' in it, but then the regular has far too much 'real' sugar. Any type of screen will completely destroy their minds and they should only be allowed to read non-fiction, we can't be filling their heads with nonsense fantasy!

Then you have the wait and see view. That is when you, well, just wait and see. Of course if it goes wrong then there may not be much left to do about it and that could be tragic. Wait and see people probably let their kids ride their bikes miles away and not check in for hours. I imagine they take them to the shooting range on Saturday and feed them a steady diet of pop tarts, hot dogs and soda pop. Naturally they'd be fine with playing video games for hours on end and would likely join in too.

So where do I fit? I guess I'm hoping to find that imaginary "happy medium" that most of us hope to find. I walk my kids to and from the bus stop just about every day, let them eat pop tarts at Nana's house and drink pop about once a week. On those frequent long rainy weekends I've been known to ignore the clock while they spend hours mindlessly in front of one screen or another - often with Dad by their side.

Of course while they are playing video games and eating a yogurt snack I can probably be found hiding out, shoveling in the leftover holiday candy that they have forgotten about and whiling hours away on the Internet under the guise of 'work'. Maybe some of us just don't quite get it. Or maybe we're hopelessly stuck in the 80's where the only thing our parents really worried about was kidnapping and that only happened in big cities anyway. Then again rationalization works too. Those video games do teach hand-eye coordination and some even have a lot of planning and thinking skills involved. Didn't we grow up on hot dogs and Jello with red dye? Look how we turned out!

I think the bottom line is that no one has the right answer, though a lot think they do! Those who think they do have all the answers are usually the better safe than sorry types who have no problem looking down their nose at your child with his Lunchable. (Hey they have NO idea what kind of morning you had!) The rest of us seem to realize that we are all in this together. We are all doing our best and we reserve the right to change our mind (frequently) because we admit we don't really know what we are doing. So while I may send my seven year old off to get pop tarts organic bananas, one day I may not let him out of sight the next day. Let's just hope the evil people are all home on my 'off' days. Does that make me a wait-and-see parent? Great now I have to rein them all in again and make sure they're safe! At least until they are driving me crazy on a rainy weekend and it becomes necessary to remove the batteries from all clocks and pretend not to notice they have been staring at a screen for over eight hours straight.

Randomness

That's what I wanted to call this blog, but apparently a lot of people have a lot of randomnesss to talk about so it wasn't an available option. Oh-well. I thought "My Secret Identity" was good too. I can write what I want and no one will have to know it's me! I plan to use this site to get my thoughts into writing. Some good, some not so good. Some strange and some hopefully you'll be able to relate to, or at least laugh at! I reserve the right to contradict myself as my opinions can change with more thought. I apologize if I offend anyone - just don't read if I'm offensive (like that will happen). Who knows how long this will last or what it will become, time will tell...