Dang this is going to be hard!

Yesterday was our 5th Family Day. We don't make a big deal of it around here but I did take the kids out for some frozen yogurt and we watched the video I made. At bedtime though, I was hit with a ton of bricks. Paige looked up at me and asked, "Mommy, when will I get to meet my birth parents?" I was so caught off guard and so used to her asking questions but not really listening for the answer that I just answered without thinking. "Oh, Honey you probably won't ever meet your birth parents because we don't know who they are. But we will try to meet your foster parents when we go to China in a few years." There. That was upbeat, simple, and straight forward enough. Typically she would have rolled over and asked if she could have candy after lunch the next day or some other completely obscure thing. Not this time. This time she burst into tears and questioned "Why? Why can't I meet them Mommy? I thought I was going to get to meet them when we went to China." All I could think was, "Oh crap! What did I just do?!" So I held her and tried to explain [i]carefully[/i] why we don't know who they are. She sobbed those gut-wtenching sobs that we never heard five years ago. It had suddenly hit her and there was nothing I could do to fx it. I'm not beating myself up over it because it was going to happen sooner or later, but I did feel awful for her. Her little heart was broken and all I could do was hold her and keep my mouth shut. I couldn't say, "it will be all right," "it's over now, so let's let it go," or, "you're ok now because we adopted you!" HA! What a crock of crap all of that is. The reality is, she was abandoned by or taken from her birth family 5 and a half years ago and nothing I will ever say or do can change that for her. She knows she is loved now but I know that this is only the beginning of a very long road for her. A road of discovery and deciding who she is. She asked, after she calmed down again, if someday she could go to China to live and see if she liked it there. I smiled and told her she could do what ever she chose to do!